Thursday, January 12, 2012
Yesterday, business took Patricia, Johnny, and me to the Duval County Courthouse in downtown Jacksonville, Florida. .
As we left the building, we noticed a memorial plaque near the front door; Johnny photographed it with his cell phone.
The kids asked me, a Noted Authority on Jacksonville History — I wrote a book about it– they asked me why there is a memorial plaque to Daniel Boone at our courthouse? Was the American hero ever even in Jacksonville? Did he commit suicide here? And why put up a memorial to a frontier pioneer hero made of metal from the Battleship Maine?
Heavens! Don’t they teach history in schools anymore?
As a local history authority, I explained that in 1493 Daniel Boone sat on that very spot in front of the courthouse and a raccoon fell out of a tree and landed on his head. He placed his musket in his ear (click on plaque photo to enlarge) and pulled the trigger, thus creating the first coonskin cap.
Immediately afterwards he sailed aboard the Battleship Maine with President’s Teddy Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy. The three of them charged up San Juan Hill with Boone’s faithful Indian companion Tonto pushing Roosevelt’s wheelchair. They removed all Soviet missiles from Cuba.
As the heroes smoked Cuban cigars on the deck of the Maine celebrating their victory, a burning stray ash landed in the powder magazine, caught the battleship’s sails on fire and blew up the battleship in Havana Harbor starting the Spanish-American War.
Jacksonville would have put up plaques to Teddy. Tonto, and JFK also, but there wasn’t enough metal left over from the battleship after the explosion.
Any historian who disputes my interpretation of things is a fraud and is just making it all up.
I’m The Authority on Jacksonville Pseudo-History. I wrote a book which is just as accurate as my telling about why Daniel Boone stuck a rifle in his ear on the steps of the Duval County Courthouse.
Does anybody know different?
Any other history questions, Just ask me. I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.
That being so, while I’m off to the eye surgeon today, here’s something to look at: