My life was a love story

This post is from my oldest sister, Jennifer.  Hers is a love story too…

I woke with a man’s voice on the answering machine. I froze cold. ” Ms Wilson, This is Jason from the Hardage Giddeons…”

I couldn’t do it.

I knew why he was calling.

Poor guy is just doing his job. Trying to give great customer service, being cheerful and polite. I just could not talk to him. I begged my roommate to call him back. Terri did not ask why, she knew.

All I could do is cry, desperate to go back to sleep.

Last night, I read the King James family bible. I grew up reading it with Dad and Mom leading nightly devotions with my family.

” Then David took hold on his clothes, and rent(TORE) them: and likewise all the men that were with him. And they mourned and wept, and fasted until even(ing), for Saul and, for Jonathan, his son…” Second Samuel ch 1 vs 11-12.

The 1st to 3rd chapter of Second Samuel is about death (killing in their time) and grieving. (I am no biblical scholar, this is the Jennifer translation of what I read!) King David in his grief ripped his clothes, fasted, cried… the King that Jesus would later be a descendant of.

After mom died, I went with Dad, Johnny and Fred. We took the free Community Hospice course on dealing with the loss of a loved one. Katie McConnell – the bereavement counselor, later wonderful friend of Dad, wife and also mother to beautiful baby Celia – lead the class with a brochure titled “Understanding Grief, Loss and Bereavement.” Katie gave a wonderful explanation that grief is not a series of stages to go thru neat and orderly, but rather a roller coaster – full of ups and downs, highs and lows.

WELCOME to the RIDE OF GRIEF. BUCKLE IN – HOLD ON!
Your ride starts with the shock and disbelief that the person you love is gone. SUDDENLY SWERVES thru the twists of sobbing, crying, lack of sleep. JERKS UP – confusion, anxiety. DOWN – panic, searching, UP – physical illness. I feel ok, Peace. NOW -LOOP after LOOP of guilt, emotional fear, numbness, fatigue, depression, Calm then TWIST to obsessively thinking about the loved one,confusion, then WEEEEH! Throw in some anger, maybe using alcohol and drugs, POW -hatred, loneliness, limbo, BACK UP to relief, laughter, missing OOOPS there we go DOWN again with missing. Then the TWIST of “struggle with new life patterns” and finally ENDS WITH “life is worth living!”

Disney and Universal probably study this roller coaster design!

Oh, and while your on this grief ride expect to have some wierd dreams! Just a little extra to physically and emotionally add on top! AND THERE IS NOT A TIME LIMIT TO THE RIDE ENDING! You can be off the ride and slip back on with a memory. King David did it and now I am doing it. Everyone will have this ride sometime.

 

Sooo   – Terri talked with Jason, went to the cemetary. Today they removed dad’s plastic marker and secured his permanent bronze marker. Dad’s marker says “My life was a love story.” Terri made sure dad was tucked in tight and safe. Right under mom’s spot.

She came home with a Hardee’s Monstor Bacon Burger for lunch. I cried and couldn’t eat my burger… ok well I got half in (and some fries), despite my grief, it sure was good. I didn’t tear any clothes. I did get dressed.

I thought how the bronze marker feels so final.

Permanent. The end.

Then God reminded me. I remembered what I was taught. What I believe.

Dad and Mom are together forever. Not just in their niches with coordinating bronze markers. They truly are together in heaven with our Father, God.

I can’t stop thanking God for that.

My ride has bumper padding. I have a Savior and King that are helping me on my ride, carrying me when it turns to hard, holding my hand in the darkness, reminding me it’s going to be alright. I remember God’s promises. I will be in many seasons of rough rides that is this world and this life, but my wonderful God is WITH me and FOR me every twist and turn.

In the meantime, while I am currently not enjoying the grief ride, I am ok. We will be ok. God promised me, just like David, Saul, Jonathan, Moses, Jacob, Peter, Paul and Mary… John and Virginia. We have the promise that HE is with us. My earthly father is gone. My heavenly Father, who is immortal and perfect, loves me so much that he sent his son Jesus to die for me so I CAN be with my family forever.

My life will begin AGAIN with my beautiful savior welcoming me home. I know mom and dad, grandmothers and grandfathers, aunts, uncles, friends and people who I don’t yet know will with there. That to me is the best thing dad ever taught me. He wanted everyone to know JESUS IS REAL!! Our hope and our lives will just be beginning when we die. And while we ride, we are loved!

Thanks be to God. My life is a love story too.

So is yours. Just ask God if you don’t believe me.

• Please, visit my website for more www.cowart.info and feel free to look over and buy one of my books www.bluefishbooks.info, posted by John Cowart. Or contact John at johnwcowart (at) gmail (dot) com.

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