Rabid Fun

John Cowart's Daily Journal: A befuddled ordinary Christian looks for spiritual realities in day to day living.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

500 Naked Women & Me

Yes, I know I said I would not post today. But...

Friday morning I had just begun work when an error message flashed on my computer screen informing me that I was out of virtual memory.

That message defined the rest of my day.

OK. I scanned my computer for viruses. I ran Spybot and Ad-Aware. I rebooted the system. I cut off the power, let it sit for half an hour, then plugged the cord back in.

Still out of virtue memory… (No, that’s not a typo).

You see, never once have I turned on my computer without being tempted to visit some porno site to see what the naked ladies are up to today. Sometimes I resist that temptation; sometimes I don’t.

So when the usual computer re-start things failed to work, I decided to clear my picture files.

I deleted over 500 naked women.

Looks to me as though if you erase a file, then that would free up the space that file had been taking up — Right?

Apparently not.

The error message remained.

I called my son Donald, a computer network administrator. He and Helen and Ginny all got together after they got off work to doctor my computer.

Ginny said that pubic hair from all those women must be tangled in my operating system.

Everybody laughed at me.

Donald increased my virtual page files and defragmented my hard drive.

That helped.

Helen says we need to install an external hard drive (As I understand it, that’s sort of like an electronic colostomy bag that hangs on the side of my central processing unit to hold all the crap I write).

Now, I have an observation about all this:

First is sin.

Yes, I am a Christian; and yes, I am a sinner.

The two fit hand-in-glove.

And, yes I do struggle against my temptations; and yes, I have virtually no power over them because of the water balloon principle.

My heart resembles a balloon filled with squishy sins; when I push it in one place, it bulges out another.

When I resist viewing naked internet women, then sure as anything, I’ll begin to resent somebody’s actions. When I push in resentment, greed bulges out on the other side. When I beat my greed back down, then envy emerges. Fight envy, and there I am back to lust again.

And, here’s the kicker:

When I exercise my great strength of will and don’t look at the naked internet women, when I conquer resentment, when I stifle greed, when I defeat envy —— Then the worse sin in the bag swells up like a giant yellow pustule.

I feel self-righteous.

While keeping all this corruption inside me, I still want to appear to be a good guy. I want other people to think well of me. So in pride I strap on my good-guy mask and fake it.

Such hypocrisy is the sin Jesus condemned most.

The last state of the man is worse than the first.

See why a Savior is needed?

Once, long years ago, a college professor told me that I have a weak Armenian, Amillennial, Antinomian view of sin and salvation. I think he was saying that I’d never make it as a theologian because I’m wrong.


I’ve warned you

As I see it, Saint Paul struggled with sin in a similar battle. He said, “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would, I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do…. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me”.

He went on to say, “I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: but I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death”?

See why a Savior is needed?

The Christmas angel proclaimed, “And thou shalt call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins”.

Paul said, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”.

Thus, Christ suffered on the cross for us, the Just for the unjust that He might bring us to God. Because the love of God is shown toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

So, here’s John Cowart living day after day like a bug stuck on flypaper, nailed down hand and foot by sin as surely as one of those sinners crucified on each side of Jesus. No amount of wiggle or twist or maneuver or scam will get me free. Death is certain and gruesome.

All I can do is call out, “Lord Jesus, remember me when Thou cometh into thy kingdom”.

And like that one guy on a cross beside Jesus, I can thank God for His mercy.

Or not.


On a different note:

Remember yesterday how I wrote about seeking God’s will in making a business decision?

One of the Scriptures I kept in mind was the Proverb, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thy own understanding…”

Last night Donald and Helen announced they are considering a new business venture that would change the whole direction of my writing career.

They have never even given a hint, not an inkling, that this idea was in the works till last night.

I didn’t have a clue.

If, I had gone with either one of the companies I was thinking about, I would have torpedoed my own part in their exciting plans.

So, while on the surface it looks as though I made an irrational decision, maybe, just maybe, much good will come of that decision.

Christian life is not just for then and there, way back when; but it’s here and now, today.

I’m impressed with what may possibly be God’s guidance.

We’re all excited at the prospects.

We’ll see what happens.

Thanks be to God.

Please, visit my website for more www.cowart.info and feel free to look over and buy one of my books www.bluefishbooks.info
posted by John Cowart @ 6:05 AM


At 3:37 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

You've stopped by a few times lately, and I am just now getting around to returning the visit.
I have to be honest. The naked lady thing would bother me FAR more than it seems to bother Ginny. She's a better woman than I am!
I think it is an obsession that most likely has roots into your past that I know nothing about. We all have areas that need fixing. We will never be perfect while here on this earth, no matter how great we may think we are.
I just can't help thinking that this problem you deal with results in hurt to your wife. If she truly is not hurt by it, then I may be very wrong. I feel sorry for both of you because I know porn gets a very strong hold on people. That hold is unbelievably powerful and not easily broken. You are not uncommon in our society, or within the church community. You are just honest about it, which I hope is the first step in helping you be able to slay this dragon.
Shame on those naked ladies! Not only are they luring you to sin, but they are clogging up your computer!
Seriously, God help you as you deal with this, and God soothe any hurt that Ginny feels as a result of it.
If my hubby read your current post, he would strongly request that I never visit your blog again.
That would be out of concern for me, of course, and not out of condemnation for you.
I don't visit your blog much, but I am going to say a prayer as I send this, that you will find a way to truly conquer this addiction. Praying is just words, and I know that conquering this will be nearly impossible even with prayer, but that won't keep me from sending up the prayer anyway. Sometimes seemingly impossible things become possible.

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Seeker said...

This post has been removed by the author.

At 1:54 PM, Blogger Seeker said...

This post has been removed by the author.

At 6:41 AM, Blogger Pat said...

As much as I love reading your posts = I have to agree with Jamie Dawn. The naked women thing is something I find offensive. Like she said - you are no different then many, and a sin is a sin, you confess yours openly...but I can't help but feel it's offensive and some things should be kept private AND prayed about. Admitting to it almost makes me feel like its an attempt to excuse it. The women in the photos need prayer - and downloading their photos and talking about it promote the problem and may give someone else just that push they need to do what they otherwise felt was unacceptable. In other words - in their minds, legitimize the unacceptable.
Your candor and humor shines through every piece you write, please ... this subject isn't necessary or edifying.

At 10:23 PM, Blogger Katrina A. said...

Bless you for having the guts to be honest! I don't want to say that I think you should just gloss over it and do the "ho-hum" grace will just cover it thing, but if you keep your sin hidden, you will never be healed. That is why God said to confess your sins one to another. So I will pray that God will free you from this bondage that I can tell is eating you up, and bless you for confessing to something that so many men would be afraid to admit.

Just a suggestion, stop trying to do it yourself and ask the Holy Spirit for help, and then ask your wife to hold you accountable. God knows your heart and He will help you stop struggling and become victorious!

At 10:49 PM, Blogger yorlor said...

wow. these guys are busting you up and down for looking at naked ladies on the internets.
i'd really like to give jamie dawn a full piece of my mind, but something tells me that this is neither the time nor the place. i'm not saying that little girls dream of becoming naked ladies on the internet, or magazines, or in movies on shelves in shady sex shops, and, of course, as a woman of the spirit, i am moved that you pray for them. but wow.
i think what busts my personal hump are the comments about your wife. because jamie dawn doesn't know your wife from adam.
accountability is one thing.
projecting your shame onto someone else is entirely another.
i feel for you, brother, and wish you the best.
one day at a time.

At 10:13 AM, Blogger Katrina A. said...

Please forgive me if I came across condemning, that wasn't my intention at all. In fact, I was trying to hold back from coming down hard on those who had already left comments. In my attempt to be reserved I don't think I expressed myself well. But if you care to see what I really think about it all, I blogged about it last night.

So if I came across as holier than thou please forgive me. I am a worthless craphead just like we all are and I would never presume to judge another man's failings. Like you said, we ALL need His grace and mercy.

At 11:56 AM, Blogger k8 said...

hey my balloon is always bulging too!!!!

At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PLease ask God to help you overcome your porn habit. We Christians should have clean minds and eyes. Amrita

At 5:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some situations are better fled from; Joseph fled from Potiphar's wife, rather than stand there and 'withstand' the temptation. Us blokes are (generally) hardwired to find ladies attractive, for good reason! Best not to start (easier said than done, I know)

Naked ladies are soooo easy to get with the internet....I think that makes it harder as a habit to break. You can fall in 20 seconds flat.

Can I suggest something? If you find a file called 'hosts' in your windows/system32/drivers/etc folder, you can add lines to the bottom of it (in notepad say) like this: www.dodgywebsite.com www.naughtysite.com

one for each site.

You will see a line that says localhost

already there as an example.

These lines trick your computer. If it sees an URL www.dodgywebsite.com (or whatever you stick in) it reroutes the request to - which is your own machine!

So, your page is Not Found.

Provided you don't remove those lines again, you can never look at those particular naked ladies from that computer again. Makes it that much harder to give in.

kinda like not owning beer if you are a recovering alcoholic.

(you might have to log out and back in again for the change to take effect)

I'll check back later, if my suggestion didn't make sense technically then comment and I'll try to help

At 3:13 PM, Blogger mikecoolnz said...

I used to agree with the balloon analogy but I'm not so sure any more.

Maybe all those sins are already there we are just blind to them in ourselves.

Maybe removing one helps us to see our other problems more clearly?

At 5:41 PM, Blogger Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Hi John,
I just popped over from Katrina A's site.

I find it interesting that some folks have to comment as Anonymous.
Something about casting stones comes to mind.

Bless you for taking the right steps.

Also, if you are interested, you could visit XXChurch.com. They've got some great stuff that would most definitely help you out.

Further, when you delete stuff from your hard drive, if you don't empty the Recycle Bin, those files are still on your computer, still taking up vvaluable virtue space.

Blessings to you.

At 5:43 PM, Blogger Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Oops, sorry.

Those guys are at www.XXXchurch.com.

They're really awesome.

At 1:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Though I would share this with my fellow members, I found this site while surfing the net its a site like adultfriendfinder but 100% free with just as many members
very hot chicks on there. Enjoy.
[url="http://www.online4love.com"]sex dating website[/url]


Post a Comment

<< Home