Down & Discouraged

External events and internal weariness accumulated to make me down and discouraged recently.

The bridge construction project called for more energy than I thought it would and the end result looks shoddy.

Sales of my books this quarter make me wonder if the game is worth the candle.

This morning someone who called asking my advice said I was stupid and lacked judgment when I gave it.

Financial worries plague.

More hassles have developed at Ginny’s work.

A web hosting site I depend on is changing format. They announced yesterday that “mandatory migration” begins next week. That’s a forced transfer to another wizard host/site/thing. “Mandatory Migration” — I visualize the Trail Of Tears, or the Bataan Death March.

Is this a good time to cash in my chips and admit that I’ve been a damn fool for even trying to “get above my raisin”? (as Mama used to say).

Our health insurance company informed us today that they will not pay for some medical tests I'm scheduled to take next week.

Someone it talking about subpoenaing my telephone records to support a law suit which I think is foolish if not frivolous. (And no, I’m not involved in any legal way).

Ginny and I have to go back to the car dealership today (still don’t have an extra key to the thing).

Forgot to take my B-12 pill yesterday and my hands started shaking again.

And besides all those external things I’ve reached that point again (where I normally dwell) of feeling that my life has been a waste of time, pissing against the wind.

What does the Scripture say in such a case?

“When my spirit is overwhelmed within me, then the Lord will bear me up”.

This is certainly a time for me to walk by faith and not by sight because I don’t see a damn thing good ahead in any of these matters.

And people who know nothing about it say that Christians take the easy way out, that religion is the opiate of the people, that we avoid reality. — poor bastards don’t have a clue.

Oh well, somebody or the other said, “The joy of the Lord shall be my strength” maybe that’s why I don’t have any strength or joy at the moment.

“Father, if it be possible, let this cup…”

Oh, the graphic I chose to illustrate the start of this post is Honore Daumier’s 1856 oil on canvas painting titled Hauler of a Boat.

I’m the guy inside the boat.