Rabid Fun

John Cowart's Daily Journal: A befuddled ordinary Christian looks for spiritual realities in day to day living.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

And Time Shall Be No More

The timer on our pool pump broke.

It would not turn on. It would not turn off.

I wanted one that would turn on and turn off.

So I drove to Home Depot and I bought a new one.

A digital one.

It should turn on. It should turn off.


Opening the instructions I saw I needed to set the present time by pushing a Mode button, then a clock button. But first I needed to remove a plastic tab which separates the two lithium batteries. So I unscrewed the battery housing and pulled the red tab as per the instruction sheet.


One little battery jumped out and ran screaming across the yard. It yelled, “You’ll never take me alive” as it dove into a pile of leaves around the pump housing.

I could not see it. I got down on hands and knees to search… what’s that in my hair? A spider web. And a spider. A black spider with a red hourglass mark. A black widow spider. Two black widow spiders… There’s another one. And another.

I stood up and prayed, “Lord, please help me see that battery”.

And a Voice I hear falling on mine ear saying softly, “Cowart, you idiot, you’re standing on it”.

Moved my foot. There it was. “Thanks, Lord”.

Put it in the battery housing and screwed the plate back in place.

To set the clock you have to hold the Prog button in while inserting a wire through a tiny hole in the front of the timer and it should flash 12.

It didn’t. It flashed 1,212…. Wrong mode. Pushed the Mode button and it still flashed 1,212. Close enough. All I want it to do is turn on and off…. But first you have to set the year, month and day. Hit the Mode button, turn the dial—and I get the year 2112, The Space Odyssey.

I read the instructions again and they tell me—and this is a real quote. Really, I’m not kidding you, this is what it said—“Digital timer switches at incorrect times. The Astronomic and exact switching times are in conflict. Complete the steps for setting the Time and Date, then temporarily change the date to June 21st”.

Isn’t that the date Druids gather at Stonehenge?

It has something to do with Daylight Savings Time.


I did that. Then the instruction sheet tells me I must enter which state of the United States where I live. I entered Florida. Then it says I must give my exact location in the state by pressing the Prog button and the Mode button and turning the dial till I arrive at North. But that is not enough; I have to keep fiddling till it also says East. Then the display screen says I have to enter the exact times for sunrise and sunset…

Could I make this up?

The exact times for sunrise and sunset, Dawn and Dusk…

So I punched buttons and dialed dials and the display screen went back to 1,212 and I had to start over because the display screen asked me for the DOW! Really, It does!

I have no idea what the DOW is this week; I think the Stock Market is closed for the Labor Day holiday…

Thanks Be To God, Ginny arrived. She’s an accountant. She should know what the DOW is…

She did.

She said that in digital language DOW means Day Of The Week.


She also informed me that the reason I kept getting the year 2112 and the time of 12:12 is that the clever people who designed this timer pasted a clear plastic tape over the display screen and on that clear plastic tape are printed words and numbers to make it look like the display is turned on when it is not. So all the numbers and stuff I was seeing were doubled …

Nobody ever told me that.

I’d been trying to get the numbers permanently printed on that clear plastic tape to change! I thought they were real numbers on the display screen.

No wonder the Druids told times and dates with big rocks.

They were smarter than me.

Now, I’m ready to tell the timer to turn on and turn off… Not so fast. The instruction sheet says, even without the clear plastic tape with printed numbers over the screen, “You may program the digital timer for up to 28 events”.

“Press the Prog button to view the first event screen. If all programming has been cleared, the timer will display SKIP above the event display”.

Event One means On.

Event Two means off.

I have no idea what the other 26 events will do… How many of those big stones are there in the Stonehenge circle anyhow?.

Now, finally my timer will turn on. My timer will turn off.

John Cowart, King Of Geriatric Geeks, once again has conquered technology.

In the Bible, in the Apostle John’s vision of the last days, he says, “The angel which I saw stand upon the sea and upon the earth lifted up his hand to heaven, And sware by Him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer”.

There’s a reason for that.

God has the universe on a timer.

It’s still ticking.

For now.

But you and I will spend all eternity… Somewhere.

Now is the accepted time. Today is the day for salvation.

Please, visit my website for more www.cowart.info and feel free to look over and buy one of my books www.bluefishbooks.info
posted by John Cowart @ 1:15 AM


At 8:12 AM, Blogger sherri said...

This made my blood pressure raise just reading about you trying to figure this out- then the spiders coming along....!

I'm not good at the technological stuff- but good for you that you finally mastered the timer! Just in time for...the end!

At 2:23 AM, Blogger Felisol said...

Dear John C,
This is why i always challenge the guy behind the store desk to start new equipment for me.
Or I bring it home to challenge my husband.
I wouldn't even dream of starting this Florida timer for myself.
Then again, I don't have an outdoor pool either. Nor an indoor.

That's for the super rich.
If we are lucky we have three months of outdoor bathing weather. This year we had four weeks.
I have a God made bathing beach only five minutes from my home.
A great, salt pleasure when the water temperature is 55 Fahrenheit degrees or more.
From felisol


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